Roller Coaster of emotions

Right now this title describes how I am feeling. We just got back from the doctor's office where we were given a crash course in giving shots. We have had Bethany's meds for over a week now (see my post on 2 packages for that story) and now we have finally been taught how to use the pen and give her the medication.
I don't feel up to the task. I don't feel like I am qualified to give her the shots. I thought that this is what we paid nurses to do---give shots. I couldn't give her the first one....Gabe had to do it. With all the information that was just thrown at us I feel like I am in a daze. I can't think straight, my hands are shaking because I feel like I have just been thrust into hell. Pardon me for that, but that is where I feel like I am.
The nurse told us that we should probably have anyone else that we might ever leave Bethany with come in for the teaching so they can know how to properly give her the shots. So in other words we will never for the next 10 years have a vacation without Bethany. It feels like I have just been sentenced to 10 years of jail time. But she didn't say that we HAD to have them trained so we might be able to go later. And I remember the endocrinologist saying that pretty soon she would be able to give them herself....
I know that this if for Bethany and that she will thrive on this.....but I am struggling with denial still. I don't want to have to do this. I don't want her to have to have a shot every night before bed. But on the reverse of that I don't want to have such a short child either. For a refresher she is 6 weighs 33 pounds and is 39 inches tall.....about the size of an average 3 yr old.
Gabe was looking over the stuff that we got to help us with the shots and he could have given her a shot Monday night. I made him wait because I didn't feel comfortable with that idea. I watched him give her the injection today in the office and I still didn't feel comfortable with the idea of doing that. Maybe it was the fact that they had given us a video to watch (I finally broke down and watched it this afternoon before going to the office) and they had a sequence of events that you were supposed to follow. Gabe was doing the steps just not in the same order.....I know it wasn't wrong, but something inside of me just turned OCD and I wanted that order. No, it seemed wrong not to do it in that order and my OCD voice inside was shouting "NO! NO! GO BACK AND DO IT THE RIGHT WAY!"
But I guess that the main point of this is that Bethany got her first dose of her hormone therapy today and I am a wreck. I just want to scream and shout that I can't do this, I don't want to do this, don't make me do this. And all the while I am stamping my feet and throwing a tantrum.
We will get through this and we will succeed in giving the shots, but right at the moment I am not happy about doing it. As Gabe said it will get easier as time goes on and pretty soon it will be second nature to us.